Are You Ever Afraid Of Your Dreams?

Allowing myself to take a step back from posting regularly has brought back a lot of the joy and inspiration that was filling me to the brim when I first started writing here on Frugasaurus.

We were never going to be a blog heavy on numbers, the next hot thing or extreme optimisation.

To us, we’ve done the math and understand it. We are not interested in being rich, only having enough to sustain ourselves so that we can be free to pursue the life that we want. We are trying to create our own basic income, and it does not have to be fancy, it just has to cover the bills and maybe a night out or small travel once in a while.

With that in mind, I have sketched out the sort of life we are aiming for. Ideally, it will be so cheap that keeping it up will be easy through modest hustling, writing and other hobbies. We intend to earn so much or have so much saved up that we will still be paying taxes. After all, we like things like roads, schools and hospitals.

But even as I dream of forest gardens, homegrown vegetables and house-in-the-forest bliss, there is one thing that keeps coming back to make me anxious.

Can I do It?

I never grew up on a farm. True, both my grandmothers kept kitchen gardens and we did have a patch of strawberries that I weeded occasionally as a child. I helped paint the house, pick apples, mow the lawn and I stacked and carried wood.

But I never experienced the never-ending work of keeping a farm ticking over, or all the responsibility related to maintaining a house. And let me tell you, about unknown things, I am the biggest scaredy-cat in the world.

Sugar snap peas and luscious carrots

Landscape gardening
Landscape gardening in the Arctic with the absolute best team in the whole, wide world!

Still, I dream about keeping a garden and enjoying the bounty. But is it just a romantic notion? As I have experienced from my summers as a landscape gardener, it does require regular and seemingly never-ending maintenance. Weeding, sowing, pruning.

What if I am too lazy to make it work?

I love, love, love seeing seedlings grow, but weeding is not the most exciting task. That is part of the reason I want a forest garden specifically. Less time spent weeding, more time spent eating!

If we share land with our friends as well, there is a real chance we might keep some animals. As we all know, there is no such thing as calling in sick when other creatures are depending on you.

Keeping the hope up

Deep in my heart of hearts, I am sincerely hoping and believing that this recent bout of doubt and fear is just a manifestation of my long hours at work.

I don’t have any other dream, so we’ll just have to make this one work somehow.

Have you ever been afraid of your own dream? Or, more specifically, afraid of your own capability of pulling off said dream?

If you did, how did you overcome it? Are you still struggling with it?

Sometimes I feel like the personal finance blogosphere is so super-optimistic all the time. Once in a while it is all right to admit that we can be afraid as well, with no shame or guilt making it worse.

The real joker

What I find the most encouraging when I find myself a little anxious about our plans and our future, is one truth that is getting repeated all over the place:

If you fail at FI, you will just have to go back to what everyone else considers normal.

And that is not such a bad thing after all, is it?

I hope we can create a safe space, by admitting that it is all right to be scared. It is all right to be sad as well. Denying those feelings only makes them fester, and at least for myself, I find it easier to get back to being optimistic when I am allowed to feel whatever I feel in the moment.

Thank you for reading, all. One day we’ll get there. 🙂

 

2 Comments on “Are You Ever Afraid Of Your Dreams?

  1. Absolutely we are allowed to feel the fear. I don’t think suppressing or denying feelings is ever good.
    I enjoy some of the blog posts at Our Next Life which are about the feelings side of early retirement.

    I’m also glad to hear that you are rediscovering the joy for your blog by blogging less.

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